1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
