I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
its liver damage thursday
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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