Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
