If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.