your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>