i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.