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also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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