is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...