There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
