I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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