I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
