I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
