I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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