Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
