EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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