SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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