ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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