I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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