Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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