mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
