If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
