I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
