two words: eviction party
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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