you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This baby is an asshole
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
