I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
