If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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