I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
