shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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