I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
