I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
