I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
