today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
