So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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