It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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