i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I look better un-naked...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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