I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
