Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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