i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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