Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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