I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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