it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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