I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your room smells of hookers.
And success
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
