fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
