I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
