My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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