He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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