East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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