i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
