filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
