dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
