Redeem this text for a blowjob
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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