she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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