I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
