you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
