That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
