i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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