the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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