when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
