I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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