I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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