Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
